yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
