Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
