I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
