on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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