What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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