if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
