I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
