I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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