Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
