those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My Sexting was not on an AP level
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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