I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
