Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
