My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
