I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish you could order shots online.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
