I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
