So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
