just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
