I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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