remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
