I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
