how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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