We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think your dad took our porno
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
