Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
