I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
