I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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