He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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