I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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