nut hugger
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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