if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
