I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
