Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
