Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
