even my farts smell like vagina
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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