What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
