that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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