All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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