I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
