He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
