Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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