Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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