Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
