The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
