how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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