I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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