i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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