he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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