i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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