i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
