thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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