Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
