Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
