The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My vagina is officially offended.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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