I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
